Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
