He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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