Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
