Actions speak louder than pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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