So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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