I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
