Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
