it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
