The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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