I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bring me that man meat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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