1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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