we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
