im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
