found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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