Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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