he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
