what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
