the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
