Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Randomize
