Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize