I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize