Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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