Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
