SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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