ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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