If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
