She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Two words: blizzard sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
