Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
