when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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