u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
