I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
