if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
