Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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