Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Too much gin, very little bucket
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
