Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
