Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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