Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
