I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize