Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
