When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
