I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
