Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
