I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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