You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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