I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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