We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
