It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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