sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
