the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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