Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
