I just saw a hot homeless man
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize