hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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