oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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