i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
