It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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