Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
