I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
