Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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