Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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