Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
