So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
