Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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