Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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