I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you traded sex for a burrito?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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