remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
