Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
