I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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