But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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