All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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