Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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